Finally, it’s time-off for me today.
After arrowing my boss, the Associate Account Director (let’s call her ADD from now on.. since she only knows how to ADD on to my workload), and the Account Manager (since she’s at loggerheads with ADD, I think we can call her MINUS), to go for a presentation and a meeting respectively, I am finally able to take the day off in lieu of the late nights I’ve put in and the shit I’ve gone through.
Had kind of a ’showdown’ with AMBOSS last night..
I guess he made the wrong move of coming to my desk, asking about my workload, and doing the self-conclusion (a very accurate one at that) that things have not gotten better for me.
For the first time in my 2-odd years here, I thought I spoke more than he did, mostly because I simply made him speechless.
It was kind of disheartening, because he seemed to have thrown in the towel, and in his exact words, I was told to “put the letter on my table” and to “do what you have to do”.
Yes, I told him, I’ll definitely do what I have to do.
He said he didn’t want this to happen, but if nothing has changed for the better for me, he would concede that he has failed as a manager.. and that’s it.
In my moment of frustration, I told him to ask ADD to quit calling for the weekly Work-In-Progress meetings, where we spend more than an hour just going through what each of the 8 members in the team are working on.. yet at the end of the day, everything that was previously on my plate, would still be on my plate.
Stop that, I told him. It’s a complete waste of my time. Don’t keep telling me that you have told ADD to take projects OFF me, because all the projects are still here with me.
Oh, and ask her to stop sending me thank you emails to thank me for my effort.. and then leave at 6pm.
I don’t need peptalks. I am not a Primary school student.
I need a boss who has the initiative and common sense to know that I am dying from an overdose of shit, and to stop adding on to my load.
Period.
I have been repeating the same sentiments for a long, long time.. and I am tired of feeling tired.
Tomorrow, is judgment day.
I had first-hand news from my accountant that we’d all get the increment at the end of this month, despite not having done the appraisals.
I am not sure how I’d react, should I see a $0 increment. I shudder to think of that.
After losing my free time, my life, my whatever to work, the only thing I need to, or can, get in return would be the monetary reward.
Money isn’t everything, and it is not even a fair compensation even if I should receive a 30% increment (like real).. but hey, if you can’t give me anything else (other than shit), you should just show me the money.
It’s a long wait till April..
Perhaps it’s really part of their grand scheme of things, to hold back on the profit sharing, witness my death before they finally issue that pathetic one or two months’ bonus.
And then they would probably say, oh too bad you died before we could share the profits with you.
Oh well.
The phone didn’t ring today.. only because I switched it to silent mode.
It still rang.. and rang. and rang. Despite my warning, delivered in a joking manner of course, that no one should call me today.
If I am learning to let go, you should all stop trying to cling onto me.
I wanted to go shopping, go out, go see the sun, go do whatever.
But at 4pm now.. i’m still, well, at home.
I hope I can sleep.
Spent the day trying unsuccessfully to watch youtube, and turning to my CDs when youtube failed me.
Came across the really old songs that I used to listen to over and over again.
I remembered how I used to blast those sad old songs in hall.. until my neighbor, who was staying two storeys and one wing away from me, dropped by to ask if I was alright.. haha..
And this song struck a chord with me:
Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleedSome say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you, it’s only seed.It’s the heart, afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It’s the dream, afraid of waking
That never takes a chance
It’s the one who won’t be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of dying
That never learns to liveWhen the night has been too lonely,
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strongJust remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies a seed, that with the sun’s love,
In the spring becomes a rose- The Rose
Just when is spring coming?
