Corsages for the 12 jiemeis, lovingly & lovely-ly made by Sis#4

Did 30 days just pass by just like this?

We seem to have something to do every weekend, every other day.
With the holiday season officially over tonight, there’s also work to take care of.

I am quite distracted by all the loose ends. 

Need to write and send out the  remaining invitation cards.
Need to draw up the table arrangements.
Need to confirm at least 90% of the actual day schedule.
Need to start thinking about the angbaos we need to give out.

Thankfully,  sis#4 my friendly corsage maker has completed all the 24 roses/12 corsages – all painstakingly made and sewn on.
And Ms Chin my friendly montage maker is kindly making the video/photo montage for us!
Really glad to have such great help.

Now, back to card-writing!

Happy new year!

2009 flashed by while we were in the midst of watching Sherlock Holmes.
We realised this is actually the first time we are catching a late night (10pm) show – usually the latest movie time would be the 7pm or 8pm show since we stay at the east and west end respectively and cannot get home too late.
I have to admit, however, that I am getting too old for late-night shows and I dozed off twice in the middle of all the action and exciting sound effects. Haha.
After the movie, we strolled home (really nice to be staying so near a cinema!) with our supper of McNuggets and fries in hand, watched a bit of TV and went to bed.

Started the new year with brunch at the coffee shop opposite our block, and then it was a day of hard work washing and hanging cothes, fixing up the stuff we bought from Ikea and cleaning the place (there’s always something to clean, somehow).

Oh, and I have to mention this! We caught <Chestnuts: Like a Hard Candy Virgin> on 30th Dec. 
It started with Kaiyun and I catching the 2007 chestnuts production together. And then the bf joined in the fun for the 2008 and 2009 February show. 
Somehow the chestnuts guys decided to have another show in Dec, and sis#4 came along. 
I think the 4 of us had fun, and I probably laughed the hardest this time out of the 4 chestnuts experience, all thanks to the ingenious scripting and superb impersonation/spoof of Ris Low and her version of 12 days of Rismas:
(Pause) A diploma in hospitallity, 2 polar disorder, 3 piece bigini, 4-giveness, 5 leopard preens, 7 credit cards from 6 different people, 8 kaki jins, 9 english lessons, 10 sponsorers, 11 day safari, 12 months probation. 

All spelt and sung the Ris Low way. Madness!

It was a great closing for 2009 and I”m already looking forward to the next chestnuts production – hopefully there’d be one this year!

1. Including this, I have written a total of 58 blog entries.

2. I am still doing kickboxing at the same fitness club.
I started all the way back in 2004 when I was in my first job, at the Bugis outlet. And then I changed jobs, and started going to the now-defunct Amara outlet.
I stopped in the middle when I got too busy with work, and after I was down with hyperthyroidism – I switched to doing yoga which bored me to death.
This year, I’ve been going at least twice a week (though not so successful in recent weeks).. and I still enjoy it.

3. I am finally able to stop medication for hyperthyroidism.
As of the last blood test in Sep, my condition is normal. Would do the next test after the wedding.
I haven’t weighed myself but I should (more or less) be back to the pre-hyperthyroid weight, since I am now able to fit in most of the old clothes that I didn’t give away.

I still cringe when I see photos taken in 2008 – my bloated face and bloated everything, but I guess it’s all part and parcel of learning to laugh when you feel like crying and learning to accept when all you wish to do is to deny.
I had been really depressed at some points in 2008. Why me? When people told me I’m fat, I got really upset. Even looking at the clothes I can no longer wear upset me.

I made it a point to move on, take good care of myself, and to stop telling people my thyroid sob-stories.
Yet just when I thought I was getting over it, I found myself really upset by Tom’s remark during one of the flat-viewing trips about how I cannot have kids for the next 3 years because of my condition.

I am not upset about not being able to have kids for the next 3 years; in the first place what he said is not even true.
I was upset because he said it in front of my mom, and it made me feel really bad for coming down with such a disease and therefore allowing Tom to make comments that implied I am inferior to other ‘normal’ girls his son could have married.

It was just so unfair – my parents brought me up, saw me through university.. and all they get is a stupid remark about how their daughter is useless in the first 3 years of marriage because she can’t have kids.
It was also probably one of the reasons why he felt we should stay with him while waiting for a new BTO flat – because we won’t be having kids anyway.

Although the bf insisted that his dad was just concerned that the owners of the unit we were viewing then had no kids and hence made that remark, I could tell from my mom’s tone when she related it back to me that 1) it really wasn’t ‘concern’ but more of 嫌弃 and 2) he didn’t put it too nicely.

What the fuck, right?
If I could control my hormones and stop the hyperthyroidism from developing, I could have ruled the world, and possibly even subdue Tom.
Why should I be condemned because of something I have no control over?

But there is no point crying over spilled milk, except to drink up/pour away whatever’s left and move on.
It has been a wake-up call for me, that my health should be placed above everything else.
I will do my best and hope for the best.

4.  I had 2 changes of bosses.
JB left first, and then JBB. I kinda miss both of them.
It’s FJB for now. So far so good.

5. I got recognition shares from the company, and a promotion to Band 2.
Super happy.
After 2.5 years here, I am still learning a lot, and still feeling fortunate to be with this company.

6. I traveled A LOT this year.

7th Feb – 13th Feb: Seoul, Tokyo
27th Jun – 4th Jul: Seoul, Tokyo
14th Jul – 18th Jul: Shanghai, Hong Kong
24th Aug – 29th Aug: Kobe/Tokyo
13th Nov – 20th Nov: Seoul

Business trips are really tiring, best combined with wedding preparations.
Like I have said before, I secretly enjoy business trips despite the hectic schedules – taking the plane on my own, taking the long bus ride to the hotel, not understanding what people around me are saying, going back really late but to a nice-smelling and clean hotel room.. Sometimes even meeting rich lonely old men who’d ask you out for dinner.

7. I became a co-owner of a 4-room flat.
On an uneventful (or so we thought) Monday evening on 25th May 2009, we signed the Option to Purchase form within 30 minutes of viewing the flat for the first time.
This was after lots of viewing (estimated at least 60-70 units), lots of drama (with you-know-who), lots of injury (including falling off the bus while worrying about having to live with Tom and sliding down the entire flight of stairs after viewing a unit).. and of course spending lots of money.

14th Jul – 1st appointment at HDB. 8th Sep - got the keys! Oct – started the renovation. 24th Dec – slept over for the first time!

8. We spent the entire year preparing for the wedding.
Enough said.

9. I survived.
This is the Year of the Ox, and I really slogged like a cow. Haha.
The first half of the year was especially bad.
Our team of 3 was doing the work of 5 people, and I had to juggle the enormous work-load with the flat-viewing, nonsense from Tom, preparation for the wedding. I worked late nights and weekends.
I felt sick and tired and resentful.
On top of the overwhelming workload and all the traveling, I had to deal with all the drama regarding the wedding, the flat, and Tom.
We quarrelled a lot and at times I really felt like calling off the wedding.

I can’t say I have done a great job of dealing with Tommonsense (ie Tom’s nonsense).. BUT I’ve survived the year with great rewards both at work and in my personal life, and I feel Super!

Looking forward to 2010, hopefully one filled with fun and laughter, peace and joy.

.. to all my dearest friends.

These few days weeks have been hectic.

Invitation cards, finally printed.
Draft schedule of the actual day’s program, done. By my most capable captain, O!
Food-tasting, tomorrow.

The flat is 95% complete, save for the shower screen and some touch-ups here and there.
Most of the furniture have been delivered, save for the mattress and the chairs for the study room.

We had the move-in ceremony on 23rd Dec, exactly a month before the wedding.
Part of the ceremony entailed cooking rice and eating a meal, to symbolize the start of the ’stove’.
I actually cooked rice for the bf and his dad (and the fengshui master) for the first time.
The rice turned out quite well! Haha.

I jokingly told my sisters how 贤慧 I felt, to which Qiqi said, “Yah, 贤慧, 闲在家里什么都不会.”
LOL.

Had a nice dinner with the sisters, our bfs and my parents at our new place on xmas eve.
After the parents headed back home, the rest of us stayed behind to enjoy the new chalet. Hehe.

It has been a good Christmas.

Looking forward to the new year!

But before that (and most probably after), lots of shopping-for-the-flat to do. Still desperately looking for someone to do the video+photo montage. Need to start mailing out the invitation cards. And do whatever needs to be done.

I’m not really into the habit of counting down, but before I know it, it’s just 7 weeks and a day to our wedding.. and it feels kind of surreal.

The flat is about 90% ready, according to our interior designer. When we last went for our weekly inspection last weekend, it was really just 50% done. Amazing progress in just a week! We’d see how it really looks like this weekend.

Most of the furniture and big-ticket items would be delivered on Dec 19th.. and hopefully the flat, our home, would be fully furnished by the end of the year.

I am really excited about the flat, the wardrobe I am going to have (not walk-in, but I’m satisfied with having a 7-feet wardrobe all to myself), the super duper nice living room, and the study room with all the bookshelves I need. (Note: yes, I didn’t mention the kitchen coz that’s really not my interest forte.)

More importantly, of course, it’s sharing the place with my guy.

I am less excited about the dinner. Having event management experience does not give one any good headstart.
My ideal wedding is one where I do not have to worry about having 300 guests, half of whom I do not even know. Or about uncle A and auntie B bringing their 3 kids and 5 grandchildren, and giving only a token $500 angbao. In ringgit. 

The difficulty is not in deciding on the guest list. My criteria is simple, only people who have been / still are an important part of my life.
My closest and dearest friends from secondary school, junior college and university.
My ex-colleagues and the designers who have fought countless battles with me.
My current colleagues, some of whom I’ve to admit I am inviting out of formality; but some of them I have gotten quite close to and would really like them to come.

I remember reading Reeyan’s blog entry more than 2 years back, a month before her big day, on how some day we’d realize how important friends are in our lives.
Now I think I truly understand how/what she was feeling back then.

I wish I can invite all the friends whom I really really love to be my jiemeis on my big day, but I already have 4 dear (and real) sisters, and my place isn’t exactly that huge to begin with.. so my final “line-up” would be my 4 sisters + 6 representatives from different stages in my life – Hoon from sec school/cca, Kaiyun from sec school/cca/lep, Yuanqin from jc/lep, UU my university buddy and representative for the bloggies, O my dearest friend from the ex-company and  N another ex-colleagues from the same ex-company.

I am so, so, so glad that I have friends who agreed without hesitation when I asked them to be the jiemeis, and/or when I asked if they would like to come for my solemnization and wedding dinner.
I have no control over who Tom wants to invite, or who my parents want to invite. I leave it to the bf to decide who he wants to invite.
I cannot have 20 jiemeis with me in the morning as much as I really want to, but as a tiny consolation to myself, I am only inviting friends who are really the dearest to me to our solemnization, followed by the dinner.

I do not wish to fret over who is not responding to my sms, or who is not coming.
I did not invite any ‘gap-filllers’, nor did I invite anyone I wouldn’t want to see. But of course, whether they want to see me (and give angbao to me for that matter) or not is perhaps a different story.

I am not going to use my wedding as a popularity contest or torture test to find out who my true friends are, simply because I am not 14, I am way past the stage of wondering about who is and who is not, and most importantly, I think I already know how to tell the difference.
Sometimes the truth disappoints, it hurts, but that’s life and I have come to terms with it.
Friends who really want to be there, would be there.
Friends who would love to but cannot be there, like dear wan2, who sounded so apologetic when she realized she cannot attend my wedding, I know I have their blessings.

The bloggies were the first and quickest to respond. Friends who tell me they have already booked the date in their calendars before I sent the ‘official’ sms. Friends who tell me ‘of course i will attend!’ as if it was silly of me to even ask. Friends, my support group, who have offered their help or have simply been listening to my sob-stories on house-hunting and Tom. Friends who have been with me, every step of the way.
Thank you.
You’ve made me realize how blessed and fortunate I am.

To those who replied ‘congratulations but i am not coming’, thank you for your honesty.
And to those who replied ‘congratulations but i will let you know later’, thank you for being so polite.

Lastly, to those who cannot be bothered to reply/have not replied, please.. do so by Monday.
Haha.

问题不是可不可以，而是要不要。

先有鸡，还是先有蛋？

应该不要付出，还是不要期待？

是我高估了自己的重要，还是你低估了我的感受？

是我一厢情愿地给了太多，还是你贪得无厌地拿走太多？

真心、假意，傻傻分不清楚。

Super unglam, just damn goofy - but that’s us. Who says wedding photos have to be all prim and proper?

在看完第30集后的三分钟，竟然有些失落。看完后的两个礼拜，想写，但是懒惰。

最近脑子有点不太灵光，想不出什么美丽的诗句，太久没用中文，满脑子只想着应该画什么样的graph-fu或chart-to…或是这片墙壁应该paint什么颜色，马桶应该放在厕所里的哪个角落。

凡夫俗子，就是常常把小事看成大事，然后就是偏偏有太多处理不完的小事。
忙盲茫。

Anyway. 这出剧集给了我很多的震撼。

我一直相信，好的剧本是必须建立在矛盾与冲突上的。

33岁的单无双，女强人、工作狂、时而聪明，时而糊涂、可以很强悍也可以很温柔、不认输不喊痛、不喜欢道歉不擅长解释。
围绕着她的是小她8岁的卢卡斯，还有让她苦等了6年的学长宋允浩。

8岁。可以是两个没有交叉的圆圈，倒过来看，又可以是infinity – 无限的可能。

喜欢这两种爱情的对照。
学长的爱，很内炼。淡淡的，看似平静却又好深刻。
卢卡斯的爱，很坦率。坦荡荡的，不顾一切。

喜欢他们的一段对话：

卢卡斯：你这样说来就来，想走就走，你的爱情也太诡异了。
学长：那你呢？冲动无礼，炫耀又盲目， 你的爱情会不会太有压力了？

从来没有想过，爱情可以用诡异来形容。但真的，是有的。
也许并不是他不爱你，而是你就是没有办法了解他爱你的方式。
那种将你呼之则来，挥之则去的所谓爱情，真的有一种刺骨的诡异。
模棱两可，痛。

然而过于外放的爱，也是一种痛。
因为心疼。因为知道自己可能永远没有办法做到，跟他一样的爱。

单无双原本选择学长，因为责任也因为习惯。
而学长却很明白，爱不是把美丽的玫瑰花从花丛中拔出来占为己有，而是让它留下来继续茁壮成长。
卢卡斯呢？坚定不移，很努力地弥补8年的差距。

原来爱，可以是放手，也可以是不放手。

痛，要喊。这样，别人才会对你温柔一点。
这是卢卡斯对单无双说的。

我没有这么想过。
我一直觉得不能喊痛，不能流泪，因为不可以软弱，不可以认输。

记得很久以前大学的Freshmen Orientation Camp，大伙儿因为一个挺无聊的假闹失踪事件哭成一团。
有男朋友的就哭倒在男友怀里，没男朋友的就抱在一起痛苦。
我没有哭，因为实在太无聊了，我哭不出来。但我也很纳闷，为什么就是没有人来安慰我。

上一段诡异的恋情过后，我常常问自己，为什么他会这么做，这是我应该得到的对待吗？
最后我明白了。
没被疼爱，并不是因为不值得被疼爱，只是因为看起来不需要被疼爱。
逞强的后果，其实更痛。

因为你值得被真心对待。
又是卢卡斯说的。

有些女人傻傻的，把逆来顺受误以为是善解人意。
明明是对方对不起她，或不爱她了，却认定一定是自己哪里做得不好，或者哪里做错了。

没有答案的问题，却沉迷于追问。
歇斯底里，很痛。

*** *** *** ***

爱情是一段延绵不断的旅程。
有的人不断更换身边的伴侣，有的人始终如一。

一路上也许山崩地裂，也许崎岖不平，也许风平浪静。
有时漫无目的，有时穷追不舍，有时疲惫得想放弃。

有的人贪婪地想把所有看过的风景、经过的路、握过的手，牢牢地锁在身边。
有的人却不留痕迹，不带走一片云彩。

迷路了、走累了，可以回头看，但不能往回走。
因为事过境迁，物是人非，人是物非。
回不去的。

最后带着用伤痛换来的微笑，继续往前走。

人因梦想而伟大，因爱情而长大。
要受过伤，才会有再站起来的勇气。

因为理想，所以出走。
因为放手，所以富有。

因为了解，所以自由。

It has been a really fruitful trip.  It is the first time I spent an entire week in Korea (usually it’s just 3-4 days), and everyday has been jam-packed with meetings, store checks and focus groups.

I made a presentation to  the Korea team on Thursday. Talked for about 25 minutes using just one summary slide.
I must have internalized all the information as I worked on all the slides – I just talked, gave figures, elaborated on each point without having to refer to any notes.
The Korea marketing director told me she learnt a lot from my presentation, and the brand manager came to me later and said she thought I had presented very well.
Really happy!!

Oh, and I have a new idol – the moderator we used for our focus groups. She is 40 but looks like she’s only 30. She’s not a typical beauty, but she dresses really well, regardless of season (we saw her in summer when we were here in early July). Her skin is totally flawless. In fact, I think she has no pores! Haha. And she talks gently, with an air of sophistication and elegance.

I was having a briefing with her and the asst brand manager, this Aussie-Sri Lankan guy. When she left the room, I told him, “I wish I would be like her when I’m 40.”
He went, “Well, I wish my wife would be like her when she’s 40.”
Haha.

In fact he had such a major crush on her, even though she is, what, 11 years his senior, that it became really obvious on the final day of the research. His manager and I just couldn’t stop laughing and teasing him on the way back to the hotel.

His manager described his look as ‘yearning’, which was really quite funny.
I just thought he had this silly grin the whole time she was talking, and he looked completely mesmerized by her.
“I have no idea what she’s talking about, it just sounds really nice,” he confessed.

Come Friday, the final few hours in Seoul were spent in a part-peaceful, part-frenzy manner.

There were no meetings on Friday – the big bosses left for Singapore early in the morning, and the asst brand manager and I decided we were both too fried to have any serious meeting on Friday.

I woke up without the alarm clock, took my time washing up, and had a nice, unhurried breakfast at the hotel cafe.
Checked my work emails, did some work, packed up a bit, before going to Gangnam for some quick shopping.

Gangnam is, according to the locals, somewhat like the Orchard road of Singapore, and only 5 minutes by cab from the hotel!
Despite coming from a so-called prestigious brand, I simply love buying the cheap masks from Facesh0p and Skin-f00d. One piece of mask retails between $3.30 to $5 in Singapore depending on the type you get, but only 1,000KRW to 2,000KRW in Korea. That’s S$1.33 to S$2.66 – one third of the retail price in Singapore!
Cosmetics from Facesh0p are pretty cheap too, so I got a few for my sisters, a colleague who gave me her ‘orders’ and for myself.
Also got some creams a friend asked me to get for her.

I couldn’t buy too much, for my luggage was already full before I got to Korea. All the winter clothing lah.

It was a tad difficult communicating with the Korean shop assistants – had to do a lot of gesturing, haha. Nonetheless it was fun shopping alone!  I spent nearly S$150 in just an hour, which was really quite liberating.

Then, it was back to the hotel, which just 30 minutes left  before the stipulated check-out time.
Which I spent wrestling with my luggage - it just wouldn’t close!!

I gave up, for it was already 3pm, and I was supposed to check out at 3pm. -____-”

I packed a third bag, which was kindly given to me by the shop assistant in the last shop i visited. Seeing that I was already carrying three separate bags, she gave me a huge recycle bag and helped me put all the stuff in. How nice!

And then it was a long, 2 hour bus ride to the airport, a little shopping at the DFS (couldn’t do much, since my arms were really aching by then), and a quiet time at a cafe.
I’d wanted to go for a quick shoulder massage, so I walked over to a massage shop – in their service menu, there was body massage, foot massage.. but I couldn’t find any shoulder or even head massage. I found it eventually; they called it ‘chair massage’. Haha. I didn’t know chairs need massage. ^^

And it was time to board the plane.

The ride wasn’t too pleasant; I found myself in a mini little-india section.
There was no one in the middle seat beside mine, but an old indian lady sat next to the empty seat - she snored almost the whole time and I had to turn away because of the vague scent of strange spices.
An indian couple with a noisy toddler (assume it’s a girl, coz i can’t really tell) sat in the same row, next to the old lady, and the toddler wouldn’t stop wailing. I said wailing, but she was really WAILING, not merely crying – for at least half of the flight duration. She was not wailing because she was not feeling well; it was simply for attention. She would wail, stop to rest for 10 seconds, and wail again. 
 Her parents did nothing to console her, and at some point simply left their child in the seat, wanting to ignore her.
At one point, I really wanted to lock the toddler in the toilet!
Lack of sleep lah, I’m equally cranky. If I wanted to WAIL like this, I would have won the competition.
I hate parents like this. I hate babies like this.

Touched down at 1am and it was 2am when the bf finally got us home.

Anyway.. it’s good to be back.

I was having breakfast alone at the hotel cafe this morning when a man seated at the table next to mine started talking to me.

“Are you from Singapore?” he said.

I said yes, wondering if it was because I had 2 plates of food on my table - the breakfast counter was closing in 10 minutes and I had to grab everything i wanted instead of going for a 2nd helping.

He started asking me when I arrived in Korea, whether I flew by SQ, what I was here for. He told me he is a Singaporean too and he used to fly SQ but nowadays he flies in a private jet, and he’s in Korea with his pilot.

“Do you know how I guessed you are from Singapore?”

At this point I was thinking yeah, maybe because I had 2 plates of food on table at the same time – and only Singaporeans do that?

“I saw the time on your watch, and it was still in Singapore time, so I thought you must be either from Singapore or Hong Kong. But then you don’t dress like you’re from HK, so I thought you must be from Singapore.”

Hmmm. Ok.

Anyway we had a brief chat about the weather, the restaurants around the hotel, my work and stress level.. He told me he is a retiree and have been flying around for business trips for the past 30 years. And then, he asked if I wanted to meet up for dinner or a drink tonight. He basically gave me his room number and asked me to give him a call when I get back from work.

I told him I’d be back really late, and fortunately he didn’t insist.

He left, and I continued with my breakfast.

I bumped into him again in the lift.
He said he went to the 3rd floor to check out the restaurants, though I wasn’t sure how/why he ended up on the 1st floor again.

“Which floor are you going to?” I asked, realizing that he was not going to the 3rd floor and there were no other lighted buttons except for that of the storey I am staying at.

“Oh, 18th floor. I forgot to press, too mesmerized talking to you.” he said, almost matter-of-factly.

I laughed my best WAHAHAHA-you-are-so-funny laugh.

“You are slim, you know. That’s good,” he continued the conversation.

“Oh thank you,” I didn’t really know what to say.

Thank Goodness I am staying on the 10th floor and not the 100th floor. We ended the conversation when the lift finally reached my storey.

“You are not just wearing this right? Do grab something warmer, the weather is cold,” he said.
“Oh yes I am, erm, going to.”
“You take care, keep safe,” he told me just before I walked out of the lift.

So, there, my 25-minute encounter with a complete stranger.

It’s pretty amusing.
Retiree with private jet.. and his pilot! Haha.

If only it was my Gu Jun Pyo talking to me about his private jet and his pilot. But I guess “cute / handsome” and “rich / bored” are mutually exclusive.

I told my colleagues about my interesting encounter.
“Didn’t he see the ring on your finger?” one of them asked.
“Yeah he probably saw it but thought he could buy you a much bigger one,” the other quipped.
Haha.

This is the first time I got hit on by someone my dad’s age.
Ok, I need to stop pretending I’m 19.

In fact, I feel so grown up all of a sudden.
I never knew I could have such a long conversation with a stranger and actually not feel uncomfortable (except maybe for the 5 minutes in the lift) or the need to put up my WTF face.

There was the Jurong Point incident, where this ah neh guy of Indian nationality came up to me and said “‘I saw you walking around the mall so can I buy you a drink?”.
Well, I wasn’t sure then what the link between walking around the mall and buynig a drink was (and till today I am still not sure), so I gave him a WTF face and said no.

And then there was the Tanjong Pagar inciden, where this well-groomed guy came up to me and asked me, “Are you Serene?” and tried to convince me into sharing a cab with him. I basically gave him my signature look and ran away.

The Simpang Bedok incident was probably the worst, because this weird guy at the bus stop came up to me and asked “Can we be friends? Can give me your number?”. He asked about 5 times and I said no about 10 times. We took the same bus out to the MRT station and he asked again. I said NO, and he stormed off, hitting the his fist really hard against the railing as he walked down the escalator.
That really freaked me out.

The 3 incidents happened in chronological order, and the ages of the men in these incidents have been progressively older.
Today, I’ve found out that I am actually eligible for possible inheritance from sugar daddies.

I guess 28 is not just a number. Haha.