23:30pm

Listening to Eason Chen’s album, ‘The first 11 years’ – thanks to sis#4 who found and bought it for me (and I paid for it, of course).

I’m in a nostalgic mood these days.
I remember how I used to love the song ‘十年’, which came up during the examination period in our 3rd year, and I had it blasting on repeat mode.

如果那两个字没有颤抖 我不会发现我难受
怎么说出口 也不过是分手
如果对于明天没有要求 牵牵手就像旅游
成千上万个门口 总有一个人要先走

‘想哭’ came up before that, but it was only recently that I was really able to appreciate the song and the lyrics.

相约在一个适合聊天的下午 分开很多年满以为没有包伏
我还打算回顾我们为何结束 还想问你是不是一个人住
当你笑容给我礼貌的招呼 当我想诉说这些年的感触
你却点满了我最爱的食物 介绍我看一本天文学的书

我想哭不敢哭难道这种相处 不像我们梦寐以求和幸福
走下去这一种是宽容还是痛苦
我想哭怎么哭完成爱情旅途 谈天说地是最理想的出路
谈音乐谈时事不说爱 若无其事原来是最狠的报复

当我想坦白我们的乐多于苦 你说水星它没有行星好孤独
我才明白时间较分手还残酷 老朋友了再没资格不满足

若无其事原来是最狠的报复

I wonder if there’d be a time when we’d truly get over that something, or that someone.
I guess not.
Time only makes you realise things you did not realise at that certain point in the past, it blurs some of the incidents and memories, it disintegrates the whole painful episode into little snippets that, at times, still hurt.
But no, it does not make you forget.

I am currently reading this book called by “A long way down”, by Nick Hornby.
The story is about 4 strangers who met on a roof-top on New Year’s Eve – for the same purpose (erm, to jump off?), with different reasons.

The only thing I know about Nick Hornby before I read this book was that he wrote “About a boy”.
The reason why I remember “About a boy” is because it was adapted into a movie, and the reason why I remember the movie is because I watched it alone.

What I cannot really remember, is why I watched it alone. On one of my birthdays. Before heading off to meet some friends.

Anyway, there is something from this book which really struck a chord:

I don’t know you. The only thing I know about you is, you are reading this.
I don’t know whether you are happy or not; I don’t know whether you are young or not. I sort of hope you are young and sad. If you are old and happy, I can imagine that you’ll maybe smile to yourself when you hear me going, He broke my heart.
You will remember someone who broke your heart, and you’ll think to yourself, Oh yes I can remember how that feels.
But you can’t, you smart old git. You might remember listening to music or eating chocolate in your room, or walking along Embankment on your own, wrapped up in a winter coat and feeling lonely and brave.
But can you remember how with every mouthful of food it felt like you were biting into your own stomach? Can you remember the taste of red wine when it came back up and into the toilet bowl? Can you remember dreaming every night that you were still together, that he was talking to you gently and touching you, so that every morning when you woke up you had to go through it all over again? 

No one can relive the same pain.
You do not forget; you do not remember either.

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2 thoughts on “23:30pm

  1. haha, to continue from my comment on your previous entry, tis time round i read your entry in the morning before work, so came by to comment straight away =P

    anyway tis entry struck a chord in me….my answer is that in our hearts, i guess we would always have a soft spot for that particular someone.

    Like

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