Deceptively cheery and artistic (because, blurred) wefie with little miss crazy hair. 😂

We had a rough night which had her waking up at 11pm crying after falling asleep for less than an hour, and us trying to calm her down before making her sleep again.

She'd caught a cold since yesterday and was rather phlegm-y.
She insisted that I carry her and "walk" so I did.

Carried her and rocked her to sleep..

Until 430am. She woke up crying, her entire tshirt wet with sweat.

I got her changed.

"Lights, on!" She told me in between sobs. "Baby, walk!"

I told her it's too early and asked her if she wanted milk. She said no.

"Mama careyee," she sobbed. I took her in my arms and tried to pat her back.

But she wouldn't have it.

"Mama, walk!" So I got summoned onto the floor to rock her back to sleep. 😩

My back, oh, my back.
(And arms, too.)

She eventually fell asleep on my pillow, and I tried to go back to sleep too, listening to her light snoring and wondering:

Why are we sharing a pillow and squeezing in a corner of the bed, when we have the entire super-king sized bed to ourselves?

😂😂😂

The hubs gave up his spot on the bed to sleep uncomfortably outside, but here we are, taking up just a third of the space anyway.

I was about to doze off for real when the little boss stirred and started wailing.

530am.

She was inconsolable. Didn't want hugs, didn't want milk.

The hubs came in and tried to help but she was simply sobbing.

"Mama, sit down!" She screamed.

Erm I was right beside her.

And then as suddenly as she started crying, she stopped and fell asleep. 😂

I tried to go back to sleep again but found myself drifting in and out of thoughts I cannot remember much of.

The alarm went off at 630am, and then 635am. I set the alarm for 645am thinking I could do with a power snooze.

At this juncture, my boss woke up and sat up, smiling at me happily. She got off the bed and walked to the kitchen happily to wait for our helper to make milk for her.

She joined us at the dining table for breakfast, happily munching on a biscuit.

Pointing at the seat opposite hers, she declared, "Ah-ah's chair!"

Aww that is where my sis usually sits when we have breakfast or dinner together.

"Ah-ah went home yesterday, remember?" I reminded her.

She looked a little wistful and said, "Ah-ah, byebye!"

.. before going back to her biscuit. 😂

I think she'll miss her Ah ah and the jumbo sized ducks. 😯

The best thing since sliced bread: Sliding doors. 😂

I came to the office this morning realising they've changed the push/pull door to a sliding one.

My first thought was, wow! No more trying to balance 5 things on one hand and two armpits while trying to push or pull the door open.

My next thought was, why didn't they think of it earlier?

Anyway good move for people with small hands and who are not so graceful with balancing. 😂

My perk me up today

No pictures because quite paiseh but it's the sambal chilli from the nasi lemak at Killiney. 😂

This is neither a grammatical error nor lack of sleep but a fact:

I eat nasi lemak because of the chilli.

Anyway to continue where I left off (since I reached office and discovered sliding doors), the little one wanted to leave the house with us.

She basically tried to open the shoe cabinet to take the shoes out and then sat in front of the front door waiting for us to get ready.

We told her she can't go to school today because she has a cold. We said she should stay at home today and sleep more so she can get well soon.

She frowned and sulked, and then sat on the floor refusing to stand up or say goodbye to us.

When our helper tried to get her to stand up and walk to the door, she refused and told her to "Walk!" 😂

She then turned her head away and did a "Uhmp!" as we one-sidedly said goodbye and see you tonight. 😂

I love you too.

In other news

My meeting got postponed and I found time to work on a summary while plugged into 933 live radio.

Discovered this song:

It's da bombz!

So sad.

If you watch "Hidden Singer", this guy is actually quite a joker as one of the guest commenters.
So it was quite a disconnect when I searched the song lyrics and realised that he is not only the singer but also the writer.

This is my kind of sad song and the kind of tone / 语气 I can't help but get drawn to.
I find his style similar to Eason Chen, who is my all time favourite male singer.

薛之谦 – 刚刚好

如果有人在灯塔 拨弄她的头发
思念刻在墙和瓦
如果感情会挣扎 没有说的儒雅
把挽回的手放下
镜子里的人说假话
违心的样子你决定了吗
装聋或者作哑 要不我先说话

我们的爱情 到这刚刚好
剩不多也不少 还能忘掉
我应该可以 把自己照顾好

我们的距离 到这刚刚好
不够我们拥抱 就挽回不了
用力爱过的人 不该计较

是否要逼人弃了甲 亮出一条伤疤
不堪的根源在哪
可是感情会挣扎 没有别的办法
它劝你不如退下
如果分手太复杂 流浪的歌手会放下吉他
故事要美必须藏着真话

***

我们的爱情到这刚刚好
再不争也不吵 不必再煎熬
你可以不用 记得我的好

我们的流浪到这刚刚好
趁我们还没到 天涯海角
我也不是非要去那座城堡

天空有些暗了 暗的刚刚好
我难过的样子就没人看到
你别太在意我身上的记号

I have the song on obsessive-compulsive repeat mode since I first heard it this morning.

It's both sad and beautiful, putting an end to a relationship before it turns ugly, and looking at it from a distance while the memories are still pretty.

At one point as the song went on repeat mode, I thought of my mom.
Of course it's not that we are severing ties or anything (I'll never do that), but I think I have reached a point I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm sorry for not being able to do more.

My hands are tied and my heart.. is tired.

I fail to understand why she chooses conflict and drama over resolution and peace. Always.

And why she doesn't know when to stop, or worse, doesn't seem to want to stop.

I should stop writing about her because this is afterall public space.
But short of saying this to her (Well I tried but my words and intentions got badly twisted) this is my only other way to vent and calm myself down, besides talking to the hubs and my sisters about it.

(I think) I'm generally a calm and rational person, and I have not lost my cool at her.

Yet.

I find it hard to fall asleep without thinking of the things she did and said, that were so mean and so vicious and so illogical.. I cannot.

Every now and then I feel the urge to call her up and ask her WTF she wants from us, WTF is the "correct answer" in her books, WTF should we do to get some peace and quiet, and a little happiness.

但是她的词典里只有"不断攻击", 没有"见好就收"。

只有"级端", 没有"刚刚好"。

All I want to do is to protect the people I love.

And I'm not one bit convinced by her, that "all mothers" would say what she says, or that her feelings are valid because "all mothers" would feel this way.

They wouldn't.