Finally, my yield can be combined into a small bottle to make..

20ml!

😂😂😂

This pumping thing is all coming back to me now.

I dragged myself out of bed at 12am to pump while everyone else is asleep.

Washed the bottles and pump parts myself because I don't think the CL would wash it for me before the next pump.

And my mum said I'm not supposed to touch tap water? 😂

I'm quite worried about this pumping business because I've quite forgotten how the boobs need to feel like after pumping.

I'm keeping to what the lactation consultant recommended, i.e. pump for 5 minutes and rest/massage for 1 minute and do it for 3 cycles.

Haha to think I used to do like 30-45 minutes seasons in one looooong cycle.

I did an extra cycle just now because the boobs still felt heavy, but nothing much came out.

Fingers crossed auntie mas stays away. 🙏🙏🙏

First 100% expressed breast milk feed.. from 2 pump sessions.

That's good news!

But the bad news is, no matter how much I massage and pump, my boobs still feel full.

So my worst suspicion is confirmed during my first post natal massage session.. my boobs are clogged.

I don't remember getting clogged boobs until after a month.

So the massage lady helped me unclog the boobs but she said she'd need a full session tomorrow to do it.

The massage hurt like a bitch but I think it was only half unclogged.

I have to pump every 3 hours to hopefully at least prevent further clogging until the next massage.

Also booked a session with the lactation consultant on Friday to check out my pump parts and settings. It's strange that the pump can't empty out the boobs.

While watching me sit awkwardly (due to the jamu wrap) trying to pump, the hubs said, "honestly I don't really care if you breastfeed or not."

He said he didn't care about "mums' commitment", formula is fine. He's ok for me to stop as long as I do it the right way.

I started tearing – partly from the pain and partly from the oh so familiar emotions.

I guess this is the point where most post-partum depression start.

All the various discomfort in the body, the wound, pee, poop, boobs, breastfeeding, baby, changes all coming together.

The good part about going through this a second time is that I'm more aware of what I'm feeling.

Though I can't say for sure if this would still lead to a downward spiral or not.

Hopefully not.

Like I said I'll try to make this pumping business work.

But at the end of the day, being a mother is more than just feeding the child, or what you feed the child with.

Please remind me 👆👆 if I ever get depressed because of breastfeeding/pumping again. 😂😂