And then it's a brand new day.


So last night was rough.

I'm about to say something potentially controversial but I'm going to say it anyway.

Sometimes taking care of a newborn is as frustrating as it is thankless.

You are not sure why she's crying after eliminating all the possibilities; she just keeps crying.

You do everything you can to make her comfortable, ensure she gets want she wants, whether it is milk or a diaper change.. but you don't get thanked for it.

Not even a smile, or a look into your eyes.

But sometimes you hear an exceptionally loud burp, or see an innocent face looking so satisfied lying against your chest.. and you think, maybe she knows.

And you love her anyway.

I'm not sure if it's the leap, or the weather, or wind in the stomach.

But man, the crying in the evening has been very bad.

Yesterday she cried from 5 all the way to 9.. and the hubs got so frustrated he turned into Hulk.

I don't blame him, because this is what the crying does to anyone. I go through it everyday.

I take it all in and turn a little insane inside; he lets it all out. We deal with it.

I was with Clarissa for her bed time when I heard him shout in exasperation.

I actually got scared and turned on the lights. Asked Clarissa to wait for me while I checked on Daddy and Allie.

"ARGH I really don't know what she wants!" He said.

I don't either. No one knows except Allie herself. But she can't talk.

I wanted to switch with him so he could have a break from the crying and sleep with Clarissa instead.

But Clarissa was scared and said no.

Helper was in the bathroom for the longest time and so the hubs shouldered on.

Clarissa held onto my hand tightly, her milk untouched, nervous about the strange vibes.

Before bedtime she'd told me she wanted to drink a lot of milk. But I guess she felt too uneasy to.

(And she woke up at 545am today again.)

We got some peace by 10pm.

I washed up.
The hubs took a shower.

I wanted to talk to him and check if he was ok.

But then we heard the baby whining again.

He went back to the room and human mattressed her while I pumped.

When I was done I went over to transfer her back to the cot. I wanted to sleep with her but the hubs said he was ok.

So we stuck to the plan we agreed on before the chaos started.

I was feeling all sorts of uncomfortable so I wanted to take a longer nap immediately after pumping at 10 and get up at 2am to pump again and do the next feed, while the hubs would feed her around 12.

I needed that longer nap to recuperate.

Thankfully we kept to it, although we both overslept.

He fed her at 1am instead while I turned off the alarm and continued sleeping until 330am.

Woke up in shock, saw the hubs' message that he'd fed her at 1.

Immediately started pumping and praying that the baby won't be that punctual this time.

And it all worked out.

She was still sleeping after I was done with everything, and I asked the hubs to go back to our room to continue sleeping.

She eventually woke up at 440am.

Fed her, changed her and coaxed her back to sleep.. before a grumpy Clarissa came into the room.

She was obviously tired so I wanted her to go back to sleep.

Took her back to her own room and lay on the mattress with her, giving in to her request for story telling.. but sleep, she did not.

It felt like a very long day already, but it was only 650am.

And then daylight shone into the house, and the only thing we can do, is to keep going.

My plan for today is to take painkillers and do my best. 💪💪

Jiayou to the hubs too! 💪💪

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